The Next Time I Go Shopping

The Next Time I Go Shopping
Posted on October 2, 2015 by ereynard
The Next Time I Go Shopping

There She goes again, holding her breath and picking my lovely poop out of the box. Next She will add more of that disgusting chopped clay to the box. She thinks it’s for my own good. Little does She know that when She goes out, I use Her toilet—and flush it. Why on earth does She think I like to relieve myself in a boxful of chopped up clay particles? I only use it, against my intelligent instincts, when She’s in the house. She would not like to know where I prefer to poop. Out of sensitivity for Her squeamishness, I always wipe the seat with Lysol after I use it. She is totally unaware that I have almost used up the supply She keeps under the kitchen sink. The next time I go shopping, I’d better get some more.

Oh, She doesn’t know I go shopping, either. But that’s more complex. I have to wait until She goes out of town and leaves the car here. Then I can make leisurely trips to Safeway, mail my credit card payments, get cash at Wells Fargo. She would never get how I manage to do all that.

I’ll be you’d like to know, right? How does a cat get in and out of a firmly closed bathroom? Of course, She leaves it closed, because when I was a kitten I used to shred the toilet paper. But I’ve outgrown those childish pursuits. Now, I actually leave Her bathroom cleaner than She does. She thinks I shed, but you should see the amount of hair I find on the floor in there…

Anyway, enough about bathrooms. I was going to relieve your curiosity about how I drive a car, go to the grocery store, etc.

I guess you didn’t know that all cats are shape-changers.

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3 Responses to The Next Time I Go Shopping

  1. Phil46 says:

    I wish our cat had such initiative! He just lays around waiting to be fed.

  2. ereynard says:

    Are you sure? Or does he just do that when you’re around 😉

  3. Hi,
    The idea of shape-changes is interesting. I’m not a cat person, but a shape-change applied to an Owl could be mystic, horrifying, or even the something from the “twilight zone”. Thank you for sharing your idea.

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